Another shot, a semi-fresh chance – still the same old (super) Mags.
How many fucking times have I said, “I should write more?” Over this past year alone, I’ve probably uttered my intent to write (read: blog) more often around 10 times — I’ve probably written the thought down thrice as many times. And yet, here we are: a new post, months after the last.
It’s not like I don’t try. I mean, I start sometimes— I jot down ideas, I write the beginnings of posts. But man, there just isn’t any follow through. And I always thought that was okay because part of my job is writing. But recently, I’ve let go of “the job a million girls would kill for” to move on up the publishing ladder. Ladies and gents, I’m now the Art Director of all of Rogue Media’s digital assets. While that might be thrice the workload, that means almost 0 writing for me soon.
That’s where this whole blog thingamajig comes in. Or well, at least, I hope it is. Hopefully, my upcoming trip to New York starts a spark in me. But really, who knows if I’ll end up blogging regularly again?
As always, as ever: wish me luck.
Yesterday, I found myself in the middle of a conversation about forgiveness – take note, a conversation not wherein sorries were exchanged but where the idea of apologies and all that come with ‘em was discussed.
While the conversation itself was really specific as it was trying to address a personal matter, I guess the conclusion we arrived at is something worth sharing. It’s not entirely new but sometimes we need to be reminded of it:
When it comes to doing things – anything really, I suppose, but with saying you’re sorry most especially – you have to do it because you want to do it. And if you really wanna do it, if the person and your relationship with him/her really matter enough, you will do it. It can be scary, yeah, but fear is just another excuse. And really, when you can stomach any excuse at all not to do something (aka apologize), you probably just don’t want to do it enough. The person and the relationship you have with him/her just probably isn’t worth the trouble to you.
You can say that each situation is different, yeah I guess. But really think about it at its core: you don’t say sorry to be forgiven (that’s a welcome reaction, though), you say sorry to let the person know you’re sorry – that you regret what you did or what happened. To only apologize when you know you’ll be forgiven… Doesn’t that seem to lack sincerity?
Been trying to draw more again
Wherein I post thoughts haphazardly strung together on notepads and paper scraps
Fix yourself, the voice in my head that oddly sounds like my own tells me for the nth time. A heaviness I can’t control runs through my veins and weighs me down. It’s a Monday morning and I feel like shit. But what’s new? Not this feeling, that’s for sure. I can feel contented — happy, even — for months and then this blackness comes back. It’s never new, just fleeting.
Last night I found myself praying for love — not a romantic relationship, I found that about half a decade ago. After mulling over a horrible hate crime, I found myself asking for a greater capacity for kindness, for a default predisposition to goodness. There is so much hate in this world already (too much, to be honest) that the shade and sass I dump on social media every day no longer merits space. Why am I so hateful? Why is there a need to resent others so much? Who says that my way is the best way, anyway?
I talk about my disdain for the internet a lot. Although it has helped us rocket into the future in unimaginable speeds, I honestly think it’s making us regress. I think it makes us compare more, envy more, hate more. I think it opens us up to idiotic ideas that were probably disproved in the past but are somehow convincing as conspiracy theories online. I think it makes us all pretty horrible after a certain point of saturation. Or, well, at the very least it’s making the worst parts of humanity (if you can call it that) known.